You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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