is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
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