I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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