Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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