we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
