If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
