he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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