But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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