he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
