My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
