so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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