shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
