Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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