He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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