Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
