Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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