you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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