The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
