Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
