Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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