It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
