Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
