im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
