I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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