your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
