Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
