You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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