is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
