There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
These tits shall not be calmed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
