i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
