Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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