i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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