he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
