i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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