these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
