Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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