dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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