Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
