In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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