and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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