party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
