i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
