omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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