On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
