We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
