i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
