Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

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(210): View more from Texas

You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

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(250): View more from British Columbia

This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.

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(510): View more from California

It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.

(1-510): View more from California

First world problems?

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(516): View more from New York

He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him

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(360): View more from Washington

can I cover your dick in cookie butter?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?

(307): View more from Wyoming

Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?

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