i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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