I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
