Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
