listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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