she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
