Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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