Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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