was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
