I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
