mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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