Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
