It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
