I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
