Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
