I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
