guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your penis caused this!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
