TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
