I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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