She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
