guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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