And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
