Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
