she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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