I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
